Colonoscopies are no joke, but a physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:

  1. Take it easy Doc. You’re boldly going where no man has gone before.
  2. ‘Find Amelia Earhart yet?’
  3. ‘Can you hear me NOW?’
  4. ‘Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?’
  5. ‘You know, in Arkansas, we’re now legally married.’
  6. ‘Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?’
  7. ‘You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out…’
  8. ‘Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!’
  9. ‘If your hand doesn’t fit, you must quit!’
  10. ‘Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity.’
  11. ‘You used to be an executive at Enron, didn’t you?’

And the best one of all:

  1. ‘Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?’

Older Generation Texting Codes

ATD – at the doctor.
BFF – best friend fell.
BTW -bring the wheelchair.
BYOT – bring your own teeth.
FWIW – forgot where I was.
GGPBL – gotta go, pacemaker battery low.

GHA – got heartburn again.
IMHO – is my hearing aid on?
LMDO -laughing my dentures out.
OMMR – on my massage recliner.
WIWYA – when I was your age.
ROFLACGU – rolling on floor laughing and can’t get up

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