Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?”
Larry replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?”
A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?”
The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.”
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But, she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.”
Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Fran cisco to New York City ?”
The agent replies, “Just a minute.”
“Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
“How was he killed?” asked one detective.
“With a golf gun,” the other detective replied.
“A golf gun! What is a golf gun?”
“I don’t know. But it made a hole in Juan.”
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
“I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say,” asked the nurse.
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.
“What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?”
“Better get a bikini,” he replied. “You’d never get it all in one.”
He’s still in intensive care.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there.”
I really hate spiders, but I had to laugh at this pic I saw.
A father buys a robot that slaps people when they lie.
He decides to test it out at dinner one night. The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.
The son says, “I did some schoolwork.” The robot slaps the son.
The son says, “ok, ok. I was at a friends house watching movies.”
Dad asks, “What movie did your watch?”
Son says, “Toy Story.” The robot slaps the son. Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”
Dad says, “What? At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.” The robot slaps the father.
Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.” The robot slaps the mother.
Robot is for sale!