Spider – eek!!

I really hate spiders, but I had to laugh at this pic I saw.

Spider

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The Robot

tineye-robotA father buys a robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.  The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, “I did some schoolwork.” The robot slaps the son.

The son says, “ok, ok.  I was at a friends house watching movies.”

Dad asks, “What movie did your watch?”

Son says, “Toy Story.”  The robot slaps the son.  Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”

Dad says, “What?  At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”  The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.”  The robot slaps the mother.

Robot is for sale!

 

 

 

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Older Thoughts

Oldies

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Funny Signs

funny-signs

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Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected  – and oft times very humorous.

  •  If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
  •  I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
  • Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • Take my advice — I’m not using it.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
  • Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  • Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
  • I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
  • If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
  • Money is the root of all wealth.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
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North Carolina Humor

stool

It’s winter in N. Carolina,
And the gentle breezes blow, 
70 miles per hour at 52 below! 
Oh, how I love, N. Carolina

When the snow’s up to your butt; 
You take a breath of winter air 
And your nose is frozen shut. 
Yes, the weather here is wonderful, 
You may think I’m a fool. 
I could never leave  N. Carolina

(Cause I’m frozen to the stool.)

 

 

 

 

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For all the “lovers” out there!

valentines-day

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