The hair tells it all . . .

Generation Gap

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Lil’ Funnies. . .

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?”
Larry replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?”
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?”
The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.”
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But, she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.”
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Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Fran cisco to New York City ?”
The agent replies, “Just a minute.”
“Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
“How was he killed?” asked one detective.
“With a golf gun,” the other detective replied.
“A golf gun! What is a golf gun?”
“I don’t know. But it made a hole in Juan.”
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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
“I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say,” asked the nurse.
“Oops!”
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While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.
“What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?”
“Better get a bikini,” he replied. “You’d never get it all in one.”
He’s still in intensive care.
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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there.”

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Spider – eek!!

I really hate spiders, but I had to laugh at this pic I saw.

Spider

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The Robot

tineye-robotA father buys a robot that slaps people when they lie.

He decides to test it out at dinner one night.  The father asks his son what he did that afternoon.

The son says, “I did some schoolwork.” The robot slaps the son.

The son says, “ok, ok.  I was at a friends house watching movies.”

Dad asks, “What movie did your watch?”

Son says, “Toy Story.”  The robot slaps the son.  Son says, “Ok, Ok, we were watching porn.”

Dad says, “What?  At your age I didn’t even know what porn was.”  The robot slaps the father.

Mom laughs and says, “Well, he certainly is your son.”  The robot slaps the mother.

Robot is for sale!

 

 

 

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Older Thoughts

Oldies

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Funny Signs

funny-signs

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Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected  – and oft times very humorous.

  •  If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they’d eventually find me attractive.
  •  I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they’re flashing behind you.
  • Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
  • Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
  • I’m great at multi-tasking–I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once.
  • If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
  • Take my advice — I’m not using it.
  • My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
  • Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they’re at home when you wish they were.
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
  • Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
  • He who laughs last thinks slowest.
  • Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
  • I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
  • Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
  • I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn’t find it.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  • Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep.
  • If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
  • Money is the root of all wealth.
  • No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.
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