It’s winter in N. Carolina,
And the gentle breezes blow,
70 miles per hour at 52 below!
Oh, how I love, N. Carolina
When the snow’s up to your butt;
You take a breath of winter air
And your nose is frozen shut.
Yes, the weather here is wonderful,
You may think I’m a fool.
I could never leave N. Carolina
(Cause I’m frozen to the stool.)
- Glass takes one million years to decompose, which means it never wears out and can be recycled an infinite amount of times!
- Gold is the only metal that doesn’t rust, even if it’s buried in the ground for thousands of years.
- Your tongue is the only muscle in your body that is attached at only one end.
- If you stop getting thirsty , you need to drink more water. When a human body is dehydrated, its thirst mechanism shuts off.
- Zero is the only number that cannot be represented by Roman numerals.
- Kites were used in the American Civil War to deliver letters and newspapers.
- The song Auld Lang Syne is sung at the stroke of midnight in almost every English-speaking country in the world to bring in the new year.
- Drinking water after eating reduces the acid in your mouth by 61 percent. Drinking a glass of water before you eat may help digestion and curb appetite.
- Peanut oil is used for cooking in submarines because it doesn’t smoke unless it’s heated above 450F.
- The roar that we hear when we place a seashell next to our ear is not the ocean, but rather the sound of blood surging through the veins in the ear.
- Nine out of every 10 living things live in the ocean
- The banana cannot reproduce itself. It can be propagated only by the hand of man.
- Airports at higher altitudes require a longer airstrip due to lower air density.
- The University of Alaska spans over four time zones.
- The tooth is the only part of the human body that cannot heal itself.
- In ancient Greece , tossing an apple to a girl was a traditional proposal of marriage. Catching it meant she accepted.
- Warner Communications paid 28 million for the copyright to the song Happy Birthday, which was written in 1935
- Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
- A comet’s tail always points away from the sun.
- The Swine Flu vaccine in 1976 caused more death and illness than the disease it was intended to prevent.
- Caffeine increases the power of aspirin and other painkillers, that is why it is found in some medicines.
- The military salute is a motion that evolved from medieval times, when knights in armor raised their visors to reveal their identity
- If you get into the bottom of a well or a tall chimney and look up, you can see stars, even in the middle of the day.
- When a person dies, hearing is the last sense to go. The first sense lost is sight.
- In ancient times strangers shook hands to show that they were unarmed.
- Strawberries and cashews are the only fruits whose seeds grow on the outside.
- Avocados have the highest calories of any fruit at 167 calories per hundred grams.
- The moon moves about two inches away from the Earth each year.
- The Earth gets 100 tons heavier every day due to falling space dust.
- Due to earth’s gravity it is impossible for mountains to be higher than 15,000 meters.
- Mickey Mouse is known as “Topolino” in Italy.
- Soldiers do not march in step when going across bridges because they could set up a vibration which could be sufficient to knock the bridge down.
- Everything weighs one percent less at the equator.
An Elementary School Teacher had twenty-six students in her class. She presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb. It’s hard to believe these were actually answered by first graders.
|Don’t change horses||until they stop running.|
|Strike while the||bug is close.|
|It’s always darkest before||Daylight Saving Time.|
|Never underestimate the power of||termites.|
|You can lead a horse to water but||how?|
|Don’t bite the hand that||looks dirty.|
|No news is||impossible.|
|A miss is as good as a||Mr.|
|You can’t teach an old dog new||math.|
|If you lie down with dogs, you’ll||stink in the morning.|
|Love all, trust||me.|
|The pen is mightier than the||pigs.|
|An idle mind is||the best way to relax.|
|Where there’s smoke there’s||pollution.|
|Happy the bride who||gets all the presents.|
|A penny saved is||not much.|
|Two’s company, three’s||the Musketeers.|
|Don’t put off till tomorrow what||you put on to go to bed.|
|Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and||you have to blow your nose.|
|There are none so blind as||Stevie Wonder.|
|Children should be seen and not||spanked or grounded.|
|If at first you don’t succeed||get new batteries.|
|You get out of something only what you||see in the picture on the box.|
|When the blind lead the blind||get out of the way.|
|A bird in the hand||is going to poop on you.|
|Better late than||pregnant.|
I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn’t what they had in mind.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, John woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman. That’s when he realized he had made it home safely.
Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40.
A teenage boy asks his granny: “Have you seen my pills? They were labeled LSD?” Granny replies:“ The hell with the pills, did you see the dragons in the kitchen?”
Wife gets naked and asks hubby: “What turns you on more, my pretty face or my sexy body?” Hubby looks her up and down and replies: “Your sense of humor!” (Hospital visiting hours are 5:00 to 6:00.)
A chap’s wife is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all he did was suggest they should hold auditions for her part.(His viewing will be Saturday from 7:00 till 8:30. )
I’ve accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could spell disaster.
I woke up this morning at 9:30 , and could sense something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonalds serves breakfast all day.
My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door. She screamed: “I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!” I replied: “Oh, so now you want me to stay???”
Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. When we went to the fair last night it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.
The other night, my wife asked me how many women I’d slept with. I told her: “Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!” (The doctor says I should be able to see again in about ten days. The broken arm will take about a month. )