I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into
the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my
delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the
cart and asked sweetly, “So which six items would you like to buy?”
(Wouldn’t it be great if that happened more often?)
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a
“Young man, we’re both 90 years old,” the husband said. “We may not
have 45 minutes.”
They were seated immediately.
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, “When you’re in
your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
what would you like them to say?”
Artie said, “I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man.”
Eugene commented, “I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge
difference in people’s lives.”
Al said, “I’d like them to say, ‘Look, he’s moving!'”*
Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord. “God, what does a million years mean to you?”*
The Lord replies, “A minute.”*
Smith asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?”
The Lord replies, “A penny.”
Smith asks, “Can I have a penny?”
The Lord replies, “In a minute.”
A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me.
Every evening, she goes to Larry’s bar and picks up men. In fact, she
sleeps with anybody who asks her! I’m going crazy. What do you think I
“Relax,” says the Doctor, “take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell
me, exactly where is Larry’s bar?”