1. I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
2. Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
3. Accept that some days you are the pigeon and some days the statue.
4. Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If he isn’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing him again.
5. I DON’T HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM, YOU HAVE A PERCEPTION PROBLEM.
6. My reality check bounced.
7. On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
8. I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier.
9. You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
10. Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, because you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
11. Everybody is somebody else’s weirdo.
12. Never argue with idiots. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience.
13. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
14. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
15. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
16. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious.
17. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
18. If it wasn’t for the last minute, nothing would get done.
19. When you don’t know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
20. Following the rules will not get the job done.
21. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, “How would the Lone Ranger handle this?”
22. Only the mediocre are at their best all the time.
23. There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.
24. Bring ideas in and entertain them royally, for one of them may be the king.
25. If at first you don’t succeed…… skydiving isn’t for you.