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As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, April became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and yelled, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”
The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.
Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, “I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got married, did you?”
Larry replied, “I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?”
A little boy went up to his father and asked: “Dad, where did my intelligence come from?”
The father replied. “Well, son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine.”
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside, and said, “I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.”
“Me neither doc,” said the husband. “But, she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.”
Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, “Can you tell me how long it’ll take to fly from San Fran cisco to New York City ?”
The agent replies, “Just a minute.”
“Thank you,” the blonde says, and hangs up.
Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
“How was he killed?” asked one detective.
“With a golf gun,” the other detective replied.
“A golf gun! What is a golf gun?”
“I don’t know. But it made a hole in Juan.”
A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse appears and asks him how he is feeling.
“I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor used in surgery,” he answered.
“What did he say,” asked the nurse.
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my husband’s advice.
“What do you think?” I asked. “Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?”
“Better get a bikini,” he replied. “You’d never get it all in one.”
He’s still in intensive care.
The graveside service just barely finished, when there was massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in the distance…
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, “Well, she’s there.”